Having a child with ADHD brings about many rewards and challenges for us as parents. One of those challenges doesn’t necessarily affect your child it affects us, is judgement. Unfortunately, sometimes it is other parents that do the judging.
Wow, aren’t they wonderful people?
Clearly, they know exactly how you live your life and what goes on in your home.
Hang on a minute, I am now judging them for judging us!
So that just goes to show you that everyone has an opinion and whatever we think is right or wrong it is just our perception of it being wrong. After all, if they feel the need to judge you then they obviously perceive something that we are doing wrong and what they perceive as right.
It really doesn’t matter, it is all down to what you believe.
Personally, I have been judged myself many times. Trust me, you can’t be standing out in society talking positively about ADHD and not be judged. I hate being judged and sometimes the thought of it holds me back, but it is something I have to train myself to deal with every day.
It is not easy, that’s for sure.
I almost feel that with an ADHD diagnosis it should come with a warning of judgement from many people.
Firstly, I think you need to ask yourself, do other people’s opinions really matter? If so, why do they matter? Maybe if it is a family member or a good friend you can take on board their opinions if you want but if they are someone you don’t know, it probably doesn’t really matter so why get worried about it?
However, if you can’t seem to get past the feeling of being judged then here are some tips that may help:
- Release your own judgement. We all do it from time to time. Firstly we need to be aware of what we are doing ourselves. When we realise that we may be judging someone else, we need to catch ourselves and stop. Even if you don’t agree with what someone has said or what they are doing, it is important to rise above your thoughts and accept them for who they are. This will put you in a positive and accepting state which you will then accept from others.
- Really think hard about how important it is to get that person’s approval. Why do you need their approval? What would it mean to you to get their approval? When you start asking yourself these questions, then you will probably find that it doesn’t really matter after all.
- Accept that everyone has their own opinion and they don’t always necessarily align with yours. Your reality is always going to be different from the next persons. It will make a huge difference to your thought process once you start thinking this way.
- You can’t please everyone. Much like understanding a different perspective, you will just have to be OK with the fact that you can’t please everyone. Everyone has different views and things that make them happy and sometimes you or your child may not be one of those.
- Finally, walk away and remove yourself from the situation. If you are in a toxic environment where people are judgemental towards you or even other people. Remove yourself from that situation, you don’t want to be dragged down into that.
When you are in this situation, it can be very hard to move past it, but once you do it will benefit you greatly. Sitting in negative situations of judgements hasn’t helped anyone.
Paula is an ADHD coach, parent advocate and author who is passionate about helping families affected by ADHD and changing society’s opinion on ADHD. Paula is available for speaking events also.
If you want more information on how to work with your ADHD child feel free to contact Paula at firstname.lastname@example.org