The way that we react to our children or anyone for that matter is completely and utterly our responsibility. No one can make you feel a certain way no matter what happens, it is our responsibility to decide how we are going to respond to someone’s actions.
True? Yes. Harsh? Maybe. It’s entirely up to you how you feel about that.
When it comes to our children, this is one of the most important things that we teach them and if they see us taking responsibility for our own actions and feelings then by default they will too.
Take a moment and think about your child. Picture their face in your mind and hold that vision.
What is amazing about your child? What do they do well? What is it that they are really good at? What do you admire them for?
Hold those thoughts in your mind and keep reading.
Now think about the things that they may be challenged by and how you react to them. Are you allowing your reaction to hinder their abilities? Are you supporting their abilities in a positive way?
Are you giving them a choice to be the best person that they can be by allowing them make decisions? Whether you agree with those decisions or not, you need to allow them to learn from their decisions.
One thing that I have just started implementing with my son is teaching him the ability to fail forward. So if he makes a mistake, like hitting another person, being disruptive, not keeping still when needed or any of those other ADHD traits that are deemed inappropriate, I take the time to talk to him about what he can learn from these incidents (or failures as some people may classify them as), and use that learning to move forward, or fail forward.
If you think your child is a failure and destined for trouble in the future then they almost certainly will be! You are their biggest influence and you are the person that can help mould them be the best person that they can be in the future. Think of the saying “I think I am who I think you think I am” You may need to say that a few times to really understand it’s true meaning.
The following common traits are those of ADHD but we as parents can have our children see themselves in the following ways:
|How we can choose to teach this|
The above traits are negative because society states it as so, however if you choose to see these negative traits as a positive trait then imagine how our children will respond to that.
Our problems suddenly become a solution to focus on and we can fail forward.
This line of thinking takes time and you won’t get it perfect all the time but you can start with very little things.
Here are some tips that may help you:
- Create a positive support team – ensure that everyone around your child has a positive outlook.
- Be consistent with it and use the term fail forward if you like it, it is softer then using failure.
- Communicate with your child, don’t be afraid to talk to them about what’s going on. If they don’t want to talk in the moment, shelve it and come back to it but don’t forget it.
- Avoid a sink or swim mentality. Support them every step of the way, no more “you will figure it out” They need to feel supported.
- Utilise the “permission to coach” option rather than “this is what you did wrong” Work on how you can do better next time and discuss it.
Now think back to that exercise that we did at the beginning of this blog about what we loved most about our children.
What can you do even better now to help them be a better version of themselves?
Feel free to share how you are going in the group, remember this takes time but awesome things happen when we change our thinking!
Change the ability of our response now and watch our children thrive (you might too)!
Watch out for our Responsibility Webinar coming in February 2018!