You can hate the behaviour but still love your child
Having a child living with ADHD can certainly test us as parents. You may be out and about and the behaviour escalates for any number of reasons and not only are you trying to help your child process what they need to process, but you are trying to ignore judging eyes and the feeling of embarrassment towards yourself having to deal with the behaviour. You may feel like you just can’t take your child’s behaviour any longer.
This is perfectly fine!
This is your emotions processing the reality of the situation. You will deal with this the best way you can at the time. Whether you look back on your actions and feel that you could have handled it better or whether you know that you handled it as best you can, just remember you DID do the best you could for what you could do at that exact point in time. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
At this time, you may feel like you really don’t like your child. You may have dealt with this too many times than what you would like to, you may be tired, you may be generally over it! This is OK, it is perfectly fine to feel this way. It is the behaviour you don’t like not your child.
It is really hard to remember this. Sometimes you may be having such a hard time that you feel that ADHD IS your child. No so, it is just part of them. This is why you will hear me say quite often that a child LIVES with ADHD not has ADHD.
ADHD isn’t something that defines them, they are so much better than a label. ADHD is part of them and if you look at the good points to ADHD, and there are so many, you can change your perspective of how you see ADHD yourself and you will see your child differently.
Looking at the positives of ADHD will help you get through those hard times. Deal with the hard times as they come and move on after them.
Focus on the good things to ADHD. Here are a few things you can use:
- Passion – if these kids find something they like, you will see that passion shine through. Embrace it and help them expand their passion
- Determination – we all know how determined these kids can be. Work out a way you can use this to their advantage. Again, find something they love and tailor a job around what they love.
- Out of the box thinker. If you have a child that thinks differently, embrace it! These are usually the kids that will change the world in the future. Sometimes it can be frustrating when they are constantly asking questions, challenging what you say to them or just look at things a different way but try to accept it and see it as a strong point. Work with it as much as you can.
Just remember, when you feel you have had enough, you have the strength to carry on. You loved that little baby in your arms many years ago and you still love them. They haven’t changed but their behaviour has. Separate the two and work on what you can work on and remind yourself deep down that you love them but not the behaviour.
I like to say to my son sometimes “JB I love you, but I am not loving this behaviour right now” This can assure them that even though you may not be dealing with thing in the best way you still love them.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, sometimes this can be a tough gig!
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